Giraffe

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A properly trained Giraffe has many uses in the Alpine environment.

Little known giraffe facts

  • West Virginia has a lot of giraffes.
  • Giraffes are able to carry Tealights, candles and torches
  • In an avalanche, if you have a giraffe on your back it can stick it's head out of the snow and let rescuers know where you are.
  • Giraffes prefer dome tents
  • Kinky S&M loving backcountry giraffes make for good tent partners in a blizzard.
  • a well trained giraffe will control it's flatulence, stand on it's head and give you a constant gas stream for use as heating and lighting when burnt.
  • Giraffes make an excellent shade source when above the treeline.
  • Giraffes have a considerable Champagne carrying capability.
  • Giraffes are unable to stand up again if they have lain down as Quantum physics will make the universe turn purple.
  • Giraffes are not self-righting - unless in a pressure suit.
  • Two giraffes, a marquee, and capybaras carrying kegs = 1 backcountry oktoberfest.
  • Giraffes are very evasive and will only be seen when they want to be seen.
  • Giraffe training must be undertaken when they are adults as the tent will drag on the ground when they are younger.
  • Avy Giraffes come pre colour coordinated with the typical BC skiers colour scheme.
  • Avy Giraffes in Lycra have stunning backsides.
  • Giraffes deter Hoop snakes and the dastardly Drop Bears.
  • On very very rare occasions you will spot a flying giraffe.
  • Giraffe juice comes in lemon flavour.
  • Dehydration is a major issue with avy giraffe during summer.
  • You are never alone when you have your giraffe.
  • A giraffe can help with getting mobile reception. If you can't get mobile reception give the phone to your giraffe. He's got a good 5 metres of extra height to get you a bar or two.
  • In Georgia, it is against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.


Points of contention

Some people say that giraffes are only a resort based animal and not suited to the backcountry at all. Others of course point out the many uses a giraffe has and say that they are essential in the backcountry.

Disclaimer: do not take this page seriously.